we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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