So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Say something about gay babies.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
