I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they're like a gay fantastic four
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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