i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
