I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
