i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
did i walk over a car last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
