this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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