Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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