The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
