Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
