well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
