Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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