he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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