Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
