Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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