Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just invented taco cereal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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