Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dignity is for republicans.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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