do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
