do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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