just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
