When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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