This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
