saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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