I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
