I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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