dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The best revenge is premature balding
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
