i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
