the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
