what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
