Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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