i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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