You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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