She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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