everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
