ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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