Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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