And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
