Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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