You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
its not stalking. its research.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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