Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
