Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
