Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
