the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
NoShamevember. You game?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
