How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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