i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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