he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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