Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
