And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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