Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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