That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
