thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
