I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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