I puked a lego.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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