she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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