So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
