guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
