If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
