And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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