We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
