I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
