Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
