Got a toothbrush?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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