so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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