i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
