The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
