my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You need a sexual gate keeper
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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