took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
