i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
