You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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