i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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