found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.