Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.