so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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