i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out