We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos