My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
