I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
