thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero