I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.